A Reality Tour
So…Melbourne you crazy mother fuckers, how you doing? It’s so great to be back, it really is. On with some music.
Well thank you. (Muffles something under voice, unclear)
(In strange voice) What a nice tiara. There’s a nice looking girl in the front here with a tiara...on her head. Very nice. What’s your name? (Yells from audience) Look, I got these in I can’t hear, I’ll get you next time. She’s actually talking to me, that’s great.
(Beginning of Cactus)
You know, um, it’s not too late. Just think about this in your lives. You know I don’t know what you’ve done so far…cut me finger (aww's from crowd). That was a lie I just wanted the sympathy vote, um. You think about this, you’ve got to sing a song with the artist on stage, right? So this is a good time to do it, yeah? You up for singing something?
(Beginning of guitar solo)
Go for this one!!
That was really excellent, that was, that was really good. Um, so we’re gonna switch between new and older stuff, stuff you don’t know, stuff you do know. Is that cool?
We got lots of time; it’s going to be quite a long show!
It’s not the Grammy’s it’s the Oscars, when are they? Sunday, Monday? (Crowd replies Monday)
(Laughs) This is just television chit-chat! No harm in that, bit of television chit-chat. You’ve got nowhere else to go. I’m not going anywhere!
Here’s an old one!
9. THE LONELIEST GUY
Thank you very much! As you guessed, that was one of the new songs, from my album Reality…You’ve all got…You’ve all got the album Reality right under your seats there, right?. Before the show, guys up there in the back, I haven’t forgotten you either; we put a free copy of the album under every seat in the building. (Laughs from crowd) Oh never mind! Next show!
This song goes back to 1970 & it’s called The Man Who Sold The World.
We haven’t done this one a lot on tour, so we thought this would be good night to do it. It’s ah, comparatively new. It’s a gentle little piece, biographical on one of the greatest artists in history. It’s called No-one Called Pablo Picasso an Asshole.
Thank you, that was a couple of songs from the Heathen album. Um, at times like this I really think I should introduce my band. (Cheers)
Do you know this occasions an exception, so, I’m going to introduce you to my band. Okay guys! Over there with the tiara is Jasmine, I’m afraid I’ll have to stop there right now cos’ that’s the only name I know! I’ll get a list by the end of the evening…oh alright I give in!
On guitar, been working with me on and off since 1974, Mr. Earl Slick. Just a tad older, just a lamb’s cock older is Mike Garson on keyboards.
Oh, there’s some very cool outfits in the audience tonight. Look at these two, you look like a couple of…what are those assassins, up there the ones with the white masks on. Oh, there they are, look at these two, look at these two up there! Light, Mr. Light Man look, listen to me Light Man, if I point up there probably means I…Look at these guys, that’s pretty cool, yeah?
What do you think this is a contest? (Laughs) Don’t worry you win!
Where am I? Oh yeah! That’s very good! Oh, on keyboards, guitars, congas, mandolins, ah... all kinds of other things and vocals, Catherine ‘Cat’ Russell. Oh, you know why I’m late, I get completely lost! It doesn’t matter does it!? On drum-kit, Sterling Campbell, very, very fine drummer. Ah, great guitarist, although he’s from Ireland, Gerry Leonard!
(Band sings Happy Birthday to Gerry)
Little treat for there Gerry, yeah we all pitched in together to get you that. You see it was his birthday, you got it, right? Yeah!
In the 80’s I wrote this song with Freddie Mercury…of Queen. Very, very happy, ah, it’s just a privilege to have singing Freddie’s part tonight on this particular song, Gail Ann Dorsey.
Gail…you know Gail’s a real tennis fan, she’s so excited to be here. (Asks Gail) Why’s that? (Gail shows basketball size tennis ball to crowd) She’s got an amazing set of balls; you’ve got great balls haven’t you Gail?
Gail: Yeah, this is a good one. This is the biggest one
David: Big balls. You could knock that about. She’s so happy to be here! I keep telling her not yet not yet. When was that?
Gail: oh, we missed it!
(Yells) How you doing out there? I see you at the back there; I see all of you right at the very top! I do, you don’t believe me do you? Okay, I’ll tell you how much I can see...Um, that girl up there in the red jumper, with the little tiny butterfly embroidered onto the top of your pocket. Very, very back row. No, not you…that’s it! See… (Laughs) What you turning round for? You know I can’t see up there!
Play the music
Feels good. I went up the back to pretend I was going to look up from a porch step at Mars. Ah, interpretive singing. Didn't really come off, I won’t do that again.
There’s a song that I wrote last year, I don't know, last year, maybe the year before. It was a character that was on American TV, I'd like to take you way back to the late 1970's and introduce you to Uncle Floyd.
Thank you. Poor old Uncle Floyd. Um, if you like these they’re called stylophones and I’ve got about 7 or 8 with me so after the show I’ll be out the back and if anyone wants to buy one from me…we’ll negotiate, I’m not giving you a price right now because some of you might want to pay more than I’m thinking in my head!
They're saying ‘When’s he going to do an old one again?’ Well it might be now, mightn't it? Huh, what are the chances?
(Beginning of Starman)
Thank you! How you doing? Alright?
We’re really going back now, this one's from an album called Hunky Dory. (Cheers) It's fairly new to us, I'll be quite honest with you, I’m reading some of the lyrics for this one 'cos it's new to us.
Sometimes feel like I wrote this song for so many people, um, it’s a new song. I hope you like it, it’s called Days.
Cool, let’s got to space!
Mike Garson on keyboards.
Now a few songs about tension. (Laughs) Hold on, I’m just finding some tension…right there.
We’ve had a really lovely evening here tonight. Hope you’ve had a good one!
These two sad, very poignant songs are both very different.
But there’s always honour somewhere in the back there. There is always a future and there is always some kind of hope, yeah? There has to be for our sakes.
Thank you so much!!
(Continuous cheering until David re-emerges.)
Hi, I’m David Bowie. This is my band and welcome to our show. How you doing?
Okay, we’re throwing out a lot of new stuff to you. We’ve done this one twice so far on tour I think. Ah, we are beginning to like it a lot. But, you may have another opinion but we’re going to do it anyway!
Ah, let’s hit it. I’m serious. Oh god!
Thanks a lot. It’s a lovely song, it was written by George Harrison but the first time I ever heard it was as a single in 1974 by Ronnie Spector and that’s the version I fell in love with. Anyway glad you liked that one. Okay.
Thank you. Let’s stay right there shall we, let’s stay right there!
Mwah! (Blows kiss)
We’re having a hell of a time in this mad old country of yours! Thank you very much; we’re just doing great, thanks for coming tonight!
Hi Melbourne how you doing? Alright? It’s good to be here, yet again! Ah...We’ll get on with the music, then we’ll chat!
We redecorated the set just a little bit tonight, so it’s a bit different yeah? That’s got 30 of you happy. (Laughs)
Thank you very much! Ha... I shall be doing the rest of this evening's show in the disguise of a sheepdog! I don’t know what got into me tonight, it was a good idea but it doesn’t really work.
I know you’re there!
(Yells) Let me hear you say it! Let me hear you say "Cobblers!" Right, you are there.
This song was by The Pixies.
(Turns to band) You know what, before you change your guitars let’s think about doing…uh…Waiting for you, yeah? That would be nice to do that. Is that cool?
(To audience) Thing is you see, I control the set list. They might think they do but you know…
(To band) Okay we’ll do Waiting For You then if you want to, okay Gerry?
Yeah, band aid's falling off. I put this on so it looked like I was an addict. It’s good for street cred.
This is a Neil Young song.
I can see that none of you are not too grown up to not want to do a sing-a-long, yeah? Right listen…right listen, I’m the only grown up here. Believe me and I’m really grown up! (Laughs) I swear.
But see we’ve got a little system here, I divide…this is Eurovision (blows kiss), I divide the hall into two parts. Everybody on this side sings the chorus and everybody on this side sings the chorus!
Join in when you want!
That was too good! That was too good! You’re expert at this shit!
Well I suppose you better do the next song then…on your own!
Do you know something? You are the first audience that’s actually known how to sing that first verse! On the whole of this tour! Really, that says a lot to me! Your not all platy-pie-conchers here are you. I must tell you we went to see the platy…where is it Healville Natural Resort we went up there the other day. It’s a scream isn’t it? Can’t believe, a bunch of grown up people cuddling wombats, stroking platypies' bills. We came; I can’t tell you what we stunk like by the time we got home. It was so cool; it’s such a great place there.
Sorry! Ah…anyways, where were we? Oh we’re going to do this song…Okay I’ll sing it then for you. Do keep on going! I don’t mind at all.
Video file from Simone.
(Laughs) I shouldn't have held these up! I'm getting rained on by Australasian animals. Hit by 15 marsupials (Deep Australian accent) "David Bowie was hit by 15 marsupials last night and came crashing to the stage and lay unconscious for the rest of the show. Fortunately having an extremely talented audience who did the good thing and sang every other song for him! It's the only audience in the world which is capable of doing that."
What, am I just brown nosing you? No I mean it, I do mean it! The Man Who Sold The World!
Thanks a lot. Ah…We’ve been doing this one recently. We’ve got to like it, it’s off the new album.
(Laughs) …these guys down here. (Scottish accent, Sean Connery?) One minute they were a rock band called The Flaming Lips, the next they were miniaturised on the stage, in a place we call…the Twilight Zone. The twilight zone!
Here’s something we haven’t done before in Aus. Two or three, three or four? What should we do? About four pieces from the Low album. Just the songs, just the singing things! Doesn’t mean you can sing along with these though 'cos they’re moody and I’m supposed to look moody and real alone on these. So if I’m like singing along to this thing about how lonely I am and I’ve got like thousands of voices singing with me it’s just gonna, like, deconstruct the set.
How you doing, alright?
Why do rock people do that, it’s such a cheap response-getter.
(Yells) How you doing, okay? Let’s rock, Melbourne! Well we are not going to rock right now; this is called Sound and Vision.
Okay…Do we have any injuries? No, we’re fine. Right next one, this is also off Low. Well these four, I explained these four songs were off Low, right? I did say that, did I? Well then perhaps now I should say this one is too.
It’s only me I’m mad at.
Thanks very much. Thank you.
Those were a couple of pieces from an album called Heathen.
Before I introduce everyone who's on stage with me I’d like to thank a brilliant young band who's been working with us as support in Australia, Something For Kate, big hand. They're really fine, they’re really great.
Um…Anyway when I went to the reserve you know like the kangaroos…there’s a lot of them right, and they go as a herd and they move very fast. I thought, you know back in New York I’ve got this thing called a Zappy which is like a scooter, 'cos I’m a grown up it’s got an electric engine on so you don't have to do that (imitates someone scooting). You just stand on it and kind of go through New York. So I thought wouldn’t it be cool to get one of those and put a huge, great big kangaroo suit on it. You saw that film where they have the birds flying along and the big plane goes with them and it looks like you’re flying with the birds. Have you seen that movie? Big movie, isn’t it good? Well I thought you could do that with kangaroos, you know. So I tried that out I put a big kangaroo suit on, on the Zappy but cos’ my *(indistinct*) and all the other kangaroos got jealous and they wanted to do that as well so they tried to skid along and they started crashing into trees and into each other and getting bloody noses, eyes were coming out and it turned into a blood bath. Oh…I’ll tell you more about it; it's just an awful story.
On lead guitar, I suppose that’s a lead guitar could you call that a lead guitar? Earl's worked with me since 1974, Earl Slick. The young gentleman on keyboard pips me by a couple of years, 1972 he's been working with me on and off…Mike Garson people.
Someone who now feels almost like an old timer in this band but she’s such a welcome thing to have in the band. Someone who can actually play the congas rather than just have them stand there looking cool and plays the keyboards, plays guitar, oh where’ve you gone, oh yeah, plays mandolin, does vocals and everything. This is Catherine ‘Cat’ Russell.
From Ireland, what more need I say; Gerry Leonard on another lead guitar. Just pronounce the word different and you could be lead guitar and you could be lead guitar (laughs). Oh forget it!
Um, this is a song I wrote with Freddie Mercury back in the 80's and singing Freddie’s part on this is the fabulous Gail Ann Dorsey.
Gail Ann Dorsey everyone, Gail Ann Dorsey.
Thank you. Thank you.
Bom, bom, bom, bom. Bom, bom, bom, bom.
That’s how my songs end. Bom, bom, bom, bom. You know one of my songs 'cos when it gets to the end it goes (Sterling drums the beat). Except for this one. This is a new one it’s called Looking for Water.
What I’d like to do very much now is sing a song that you know or even vaguely familiar.
Thank you, Mike Garson on keyboards there. Alright then (laughs) this is another one that you know. (Turns to Gerry) You know that other one that they know; you know the one I mean. (Imitating Gerry’s accent) Oh yes, I know that one. I want to hear you say it, c’mon.
Gerry: I know that one.
This is a song both about the future and the past; in fact these two songs couple together very well. We’ve had a splendid wonderful evening here tonight, thank you so much indeed.
Ah…We leave you with these two songs.
Video file from Harry
Thank you so much, thanks a lot.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much Melbourne. I do hope we see you again in the not too distant future; we’ve had such a great time here. Thank you, we sincerely mean that. Bye!